115 and PROUD!

You know what? I am freaking proud of myself. Yes, I do slip up sometimes... I had half a donut on Sunday and had 1/3 of a Big Mac and 1/2 a large-sized french fries at Mickey D's on the same night, but I set a goal for myself back in March, reached it by the end of September, and have been able to maintain it for almost a month now.

I was the heaviest I've ever been while I was abroad this past year, at 135 pounds. I know that for a lot of women, that's their dream goal; but for me it was a wake-up call. At 5'4", 135 lbs. is not exactly overweight, but it is definitely on the heavier side of my BMI (body mass index), and I was definitely starting to feel the effects on my body. I had less energy, my clothes didn't fit the same, and riding my bike started to become more work than it use to be.

I've always been semi-health-conscious, but I'd been letting go a lot, partially due to stress and minor depression. I would turn to food to "comfort" me when I was tired, or when I just wanted to "get away" from the worries of my day-to-day life... but instead I was just adding to my problems.

The crazy thing is, there are only GOOD things that happen when you lose weight. I'm definitely happier, more confident, and have more energy than I use to. The healthier I ate and the more water I drank every day, the less I craved the sweet, salty, buttery, carby, greasy fast-food and junk food that used to "comfort" me. I pushed myself during workouts, not exercising just to the point of breaking a sweat and calling it a day, but really challenging my body to go deeper, jump higher, don't stop, don't let go, just do it! And the crazy thing is, IT STARTED TO SHOW.

I've never seen my body do this before; it transformed right before my eyes. Every time I stepped on the scale, and I lost a pound or two, I'd look in the mirror and notice a hollow I'd never seen before. My jawline became more defined. My thighs started to shrink. WHAT THE FREAK?? YOU MEAN THIS DIET AND EXERCISE THING REALLY WORKS??? Each time the scale dropped a number, it was such a confidence boost, and gave me more motivation to keep working hard.

Sometimes the needle would creep back up, and I'd roll my eyes and quickly step down from the scale. The weird thing was, it never went as high as I'd expect. I'd step on the scale one day and think, "Oh man, it's gonna be a huge number and I'm going to be soooo disappointed in myself today". But then I'd look, and I'd only went up a few numbers. I never let it get me down, but just told myself, "It's a temporary set-back, but you can get it down again. Don't you worry."

When I finally reached 120 lbs., I ran to my parents to share the news and cried. I hadn't been 120 since my freshman year in college (six years ago)! I couldn't believe it; it was an incredible, amazing feeling. From there, each pound I lost felt like a major battle won in victory. When you watch "The Biggest Loser", the double digits are what the contestants look for, and anything below five pounds is not good enough. But for me, each single pound I lost was like winning the World Series, the Heismann Trophy, MVP of the NBA.

Finally, I have made my goal. I'm 115 lbs. strong, at the lower end of my BMI, and ready to face my next challenge: the L.A. Marathon. I'm not looking to lose anymore weight, but hoping to definitely lose some fat and strengthen my muscles. I haven't been 115 since high school! But my body feels just as good as it did when I was 17, if not BETTER.

I don't want people to read this and think that I'm all big-headed and arrogant, and just want to show off. Because telling other people, even my family, that I was 135 lbs. at one time in my life was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm just really proud of the journey I had to take to get where I am today, and wish that more people dear and close to me could come on it with me. I really love you all, and hope that someday I could read your blog about YOUR amazing health change!

I'm sorry. If you don't like self-righteous preaching on health, don't read this.

When I tell people that I am training for the marathon, I get a wide range of responses, the first of which is surprise. Apparently, among my group of acquaintances, being fit and motivated to challenge yourself physically is not common or expected. I also find that some people are very excited for me; but that excitement doesn't always feel very genuine, because I can sense that often times there is a flicker of skepticism on their faces. When I see that (and people try their best to hide it), I sense that in their minds they're thinking, "This girl is crazy... who does she think she is? Does she really think she can finish?" I even feel that response from my family, which is not the most promising sign of the support I have in pursuing this goal.

I think the reason why people are so surprised, as well as disbelieving, that I'm running the marathon, is because most of them don't understand WHY I'm doing it. Most of them know that I try my best to be healthy and stay in shape, but they don't understand my motivation behind it all (because more often than not they themselves do not have it).

One of my biggest motivations is my mom. My mom is definitely not the most healthiest or most physically fit person I know; in fact, she is probably one of the least. She is not obese, nor even close to being overweight (She's 5'2", 110 lbs.), but her health has been on a rollercoaster ride for the past 10 years. In December of 1999, she was diagnosed with a sarcomal tumor associated with cancer, and had to have surgery in January 2000 to remove the tumor. Consequentially she had to have over 60% of her stomach removed. We thought the nightmare was over (though her recovery took almost a full year), until we were hit with another blow. In November 2005, my mom was once again diagnosed with GIST, another version of the same cancer, and is even today taking chemotheraphy to keep the cancer at bay.

My mom looks at me often and says, "Grace, you have to take care of yourself. Don't be sick like me. You have to be healthy, and watch what you eat. Don't take on stress like I did, but just LET IT GO." When I see her hurting sometimes, I just look at her and say, "I'm never going to be sick like you. I'm going to eat well and exercise and be healthy, because I don't ever want to be trapped to illness like you have been." My family saw my grandmother suffer from multiple strokes, deal with diabetes, and ultimately die a slow and painful death in a nursing home, unable to eat, talk, or get up from the bed for over 10 years. And she was barely over 60 when it all started.

There is so much we can do NOW when we are still young that can make a huge impact on our health 10, 20, even 50 years from now. I always say, it's so much easier to incorporate healthy habits into our lives and change the bad ones NOW in our teens and twenties, than to do it in our 40s and 50s, when we have less time and energy.

Another big motivating factor for me to take control of my health, is helping my dad out at his pharmacy. I don't do much while I'm there, but it is really shocking when people leave the store with 20+ prescription medications in hand for ONE PERSON. How do you let your life go so much that the only way to survive and live a day to day life is to pump 20+ chemicals into your body everyday? I just stand there in disbelief, and a mental war ensues in my head to fight and battle disease and unhealthy lifestyles.

But then I watch one of my favorite TV shows "The Biggest Loser", and I know that so many times people just don't or can't take care of themselves, because of their emotional and mental problems. I can distinctly remember Jillian (one of the trainers) asking one of the contestants during a workout, "Are you happy??"

"Yes, I'm happy."

"No, you're not happy!"

"Yes, I am happy!"

"No, you can't be happy and get to be this size at the same time!" At that moment, the contestant began to cry and Jillian really got to digging out his "heart issues".

There are a whole host of reasons (and excuses) why people aren't healthy. And I will let you have whatever excuses you may have, be it "I'm too busy, I don't have enough time", or "Gym memberships are too expensive", or "I don't like working out, it's not fun/easy/I'm too lazy", etc. etc. etc. But think about this: do you think all those people who ARE healthy and ARE eating well and ARE getting their exercise, do you think they aren't busy? Do you think they weigh the price of an annual gym membership versus buying that new plasma 42" widescreen TV that they will probably gain more weight off of sitting in front of it eating pizza? Do you think they LIKE working out 100% of the time? Yeah, think about that.

My last point is this. I think as a Christian, part of my walk with God involves treating my body as a "temple", where the Holy Spirit resides in, and keeping it pure and "set apart". And that includes not smoking or doing drugs (some people might include drinking alcohol, or getting tattoos, piercings, eating pork, what-have-you). But how many preachers have you seen who preach the message of treating your body as a temple in reference to health? Not many, because I think the majority of the time those same preachers are not the best at taking care of their own health. I think part of being a healthy Christian is being a healthy person in regards to your physical health, including not stuffing it with junk food and sugary soda (a bottle of soda can have up to 3/4 cups of sugar it it), and making sure that the body that was created in the image of my Creator is in prime condition. I want to be a witness to God not just through my words, but also through the choices I make in my life, and the first is in my physical body. If I can't take of the body God gave me, and be a good steward with the health he has blessed me with, how can He expect me to take care of the spiritual "body" that is my soul? I think taking care of both shows my thankfulness to God, as well as my love for Him. Your health and your body are each a "talent" God has bestowed upon us, to invest in and nurture, not to bury and ignore and let die.

All this to say, I am running the marathon, with or without the confident support of my family and friends. I am running for my health, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. I am running for my mom and my grandmother. I am running for God. And I am running for you, the reader, hoping that my stories and insights give you the motivation to take the first small step into a life of health, confidence, and joy.

My Favorite Things #3: Santa Monica

3. I may be biased, seeing as it is my hometown, but what's not to love? Even our transients have their own smelly/crazy charm :)

"Oh Samohi, dear old Samohi, Queen of the setting Sun!"

My beloved city though somewhat of a trashy touristy spot in certain areas, holds an irresistible charm that can be found in the secret quiet places known only to locals and those who know where to look. My favorite thing about this city, is that though it is still considered somewhat a part of L.A., we are our own entity as a city, and even have a separate school district that is so competitive to get into, it drives real estate prices up. Santa Monica is relatively small; it stands at about a mere 10 square miles, with Pacific Palisades/Brentwood to our north, Venice to our south, West L.A. to our east, and the big wide Pacific Ocean to the west. And that is one of my favorite things about our city: it's a small town feel within the bigger picture of a larger metropolitan city.

Yeah, there are areas that feel more yuppie than cozy little village (Montana Ave., Main St., etc.), but there are those pockets of areas where you know that no where else in the world can you find a place like this (Palisades Park on Ocean between Colorado and San Vincente, the various British-style pubs you can find throughout the city, multiple farmers' markets that shut down streets throughout the week, etc.).

Another plus: During the summer, it's always ten degrees cooler in S.M. than L.A., and in the winter can sometimes have milder weather, because of the nearness of the ocean. We may have the marine layer at times, but it inevitably burns off by midday.

But most of all, its the place that holds the most memories of my life, and relatively good memories at that :) I think that's why most people, no matter if their hometown is a large city on the coast or a small town in the heartlands, get nostalgic when they think or talk about their hometowns; really, if you compared one city to another, you couldn't compare their benefits, because it's subjective to your own experiences. For instance, last night I was eating dinner at Sizzler with my parents and grandfather, but it brought back so many memories of coming to that exact restaurant and sitting in that same spot as a kid, and missing my grandmother and all that. You can find Sizzler in many other locations, and it's not that great of a restaurant anyways, but just the years of memories that location generated filled my mind and heart with a fondness that can't be replaced.

My Favorite Things #2: Coffeeshops

2. I love coffeeshops. And I'm not talking about those cute, pretty ones with doilies on the chairs and Korean ballads playing on the sound system, I'm talking about the semi-dark ones with people smoking on the outside seating, and screenwriters/students/slackers taking up all the tables and wireless internet on the inside. And there needs to be a steady soundtrack of whirring espresso machines, people gabbing about inconsequential things, and jazzy/poppy music playing in the background, i.e. Norah Jones/Ella Fitzgerald/Jason Mraz (Who also happen to be some of my favorites :)).

I'm not a indie coffeeshop snob either. The convenient and universal Starbucks/Coffeebean work just as well as The Bridge Cafe/18th Street Cafe/Literati Cafe, as long as the staff are friendly and internet is free, and music is not too loud.

Sometimes the food at indie coffeeshops are the BEST you can find. Especially when it comes to breakfast/brunch items, like omlettes and pastries, or sandwiches and salads.

And for people-watchers like me, coffeeshops are one of the best places to do this, especially if you're sitting by a window, or outside on a patio; if your studying is getting a bit too much, or your eyes need a rest from the computer screen, or you hit a block while writing a report or paper, just take a second and watch people as they go about their everyday lives, oblivious to your silent contemplation on what they're wearing, what they're doing, who they're with. If you've never tried this, it's very eye-opening about the "human condition" of people today, and relieves your stress/tension in just a few minutes.

For example: I am at the Coffee Bean on the corner of Orange and Hollywood right now, right across from Madame Tussauds, and who do I see?

A tall, thin, bald man with glasses, a dark blue velvety blazer and faded blue jeans. He kind of slouches as he walks, and he's alone, and for some reason I know he's an artist. What kind, I don't know, but I can tell he's not a talker either. He pushes his glasses up with his right hand, and he looks slightly down as he does this, as if he's self-conscious, but immediately looks back up, to make sure he doesn't bump into anyone on the tourist-crowded sidewalks. He turns the corner, and he's no longer in my field of vision, but off to meet someone or take care of some business, or just simply take a midday stroll doing the same thing I'm doing right now: people-watching.

Yeah, it's kind of creepy, but I bet you've done this before too :)

My Favorite Things #1: Good Music

1. I love good music. It can be anything from acoustic pop from the Midwest to bossa nova sung by a Portuguese-speaking Japanese girl to mad crazy lyrics laid down by hardcore bangers from Inglewood, but good music is what elevates sound from noise to living-beat-juice for your heart. I'm sure I will get down into detailed reviews of my favorite artists and albums in the future, but this MFT (My Favorite Things) will focus purely on the art form that is a defining and irreplaceable force in my life.

Music is everywhere for me; whether my laptop is playing iTunes, or the radio playing in my car, or my iPod blasting in my ears, or I'm walking in silence, but a soft whistle is blowing through my lips, my life has an inescapable soundtrack. Even the silence defines me, because the absence of music reveals a certain mental state that I may be in at that given moment.

Good music, like a good book, can immediately transport me from the present to somewhere more beautiful, peaceful, exciting, relaxing, dangerous, and exhilirating. It makes me believe that though the world is ugly and full of mean people who don't care, there is a chance for life and hope to exist. I want to live in that world, and music makes that world possible for me to live towards. "Thank you for the music, this song I'm singing..."