Art is a beautiful thing

Today I watched the contemporary dance choreographed by Travis Wall and danced by Robert and Allison to Coldplay's severely edited "Fix You" on So You Think You Can Dance. Being that this song is one of my all-time favorites, the cuts and jumps kind of distracted me throughout the dance, but those distractions could not detract from the powerful feelings and emotional energy evidently displayed on that stage. The dance was one of those rare events in life that are so beautiful, it touches something deeper than mere appreciation of athleticism and musicality. This moment was one of the very very rare times when I watched a dance on SYTYCD that made me feel something evocatively significant, deep in that dark, warm, quiet place where sorrow, grief, helplessness, and passion resides within someone who has experienced these emotions.

The story behind the choreography is that Travis' mom is sick, and the dance was a display of his desire to support her and take the pain away. Robert related to the dance, because he also has personal experience with a sick mom, and ultimately Mia Michaels, one of the judges, broke down in her critique by sharing her own experiences with her mom's death.

Allison's dancing was of course excellent, but I think what really sold her performance to me was her facial expressions: pain, suffering, and sadness contorted her gorgeous features, almost a dance itself that mirrored the tortured beauty that was the bodily dance. Robert's dancing was equally exceptional, though with his mundane khaki shorts and plaid top was often literally outshone by the luminescent pink nightshirt and spotlight Allison wore. In either case, Travis' choreography was one of vulnerable and tender moments, violent pain, desperate hope, and exhausted yet exhilarating love that helped drive the son forward to physically and emotionally support his mother.

I've read criticisms and comments by other viewers who've critiqued the overly dramatic praise of this dance, saying that the "moment" seemed forced and too emotional for what the dance actually warranted. After reading a few of these comments, I was disappointed that these reviewers couldn't experience what I did in watching that dance. Like Robert and Mia, I too have felt the helplessness, worry, and pain that one inexorably experiences when a parent is sick. Viewing the performance was like experiencing that pain again, but also the catharsis. I finally came to the conclusion that one could not understand the depth and fullness of this story, without already having experienced the suffering itself. In that way, I feel sorry for those critics who believe that the responses to the dance were overly dramatized, because they will never be able to view this performance in it's physical and emotional entirety, until they have experienced tragedy like the dancer, choreographer, and myself have.

Suffice it to say that my words cannot do this dance justice; therefore, please go watch a video of this dance! And though I wish tragedy on no one, I have to confess that experience will enhance the appreciation of this dance art to the fullest.

Oreganos? Oregonites? Oregonese?

Last night my sister and I were sitting in my bed, trying to figure out what you call people from Oregon. People from New York are New Yorkers, and California Californians. But what do you call people from Oregon?

This subject came up because we are planning a trip to Central Oregon this weekend, for my elementary school friend's wedding. We haven't been to Oregon since we were kids, so we are anxious to plan out activities to see all the things we didn't appreciate back then.

The rugged natural beauty of the locale, exciting outdoorsy adventures, and the native epicures' penchant for good restaurants and breweries (of the yeasty and bean-y kind) are particular pleasures we are looking forward to experiencing.

If anyone knows of fun things to do, pretty places to see, and good things to eat/drink around the Redmond/Bend area, please leave a comment!

"life" is a many-splendored thing

Bubbles are perfect spheres of wonder, fragility, and ephemerality. Floating, pushed by a quick breeze, bursting on a moments contact with any unforgiving surface, they are here again and gone the next. A quick blow, and little baby bubbles form. But with a seasoned and wizened long and slow breath, one may be gifted with a monster bubble, full and heavy with promise and grandeur. But what does Ellie care for all these musings of an old lady? She just likes the slippery stickiness of the soapy goodness.

EEEPPPIIIICCCC

Recording in a room Madonna once stood and recorded in...

EEEPPPIIIICCCC.

Everyone has a favorite movie they can watch a thousand times and never get tired. I remember watching mine for the first time in eighth grade, and it's just as good, if not better than that first time I watched it in the movie theaters (with Danielle and Madison) :). You know exactly what's going to happen, every line, every eyebrow movement has been imprinted into your memory like the lines in the back of your hand, but you still watch eagerly, with anticipation, for those moments and scenes that make it your favorite movie.

Each time you watch, there's something new, something you didn't catch before, but something clicks in your mind and it's like you've discovered a little golden nugget inside the dark corner of a treasure chest. Unexpected, though it was there the whole time; and even with all the other jewels already discovered within the movie, that extra little nugget adds a whole 'nother level of delight to your cinematic amore.

What's your favorite movie? It only really counts if you've seen it at least 10 times :).

115 and PROUD!

You know what? I am freaking proud of myself. Yes, I do slip up sometimes... I had half a donut on Sunday and had 1/3 of a Big Mac and 1/2 a large-sized french fries at Mickey D's on the same night, but I set a goal for myself back in March, reached it by the end of September, and have been able to maintain it for almost a month now.

I was the heaviest I've ever been while I was abroad this past year, at 135 pounds. I know that for a lot of women, that's their dream goal; but for me it was a wake-up call. At 5'4", 135 lbs. is not exactly overweight, but it is definitely on the heavier side of my BMI (body mass index), and I was definitely starting to feel the effects on my body. I had less energy, my clothes didn't fit the same, and riding my bike started to become more work than it use to be.

I've always been semi-health-conscious, but I'd been letting go a lot, partially due to stress and minor depression. I would turn to food to "comfort" me when I was tired, or when I just wanted to "get away" from the worries of my day-to-day life... but instead I was just adding to my problems.

The crazy thing is, there are only GOOD things that happen when you lose weight. I'm definitely happier, more confident, and have more energy than I use to. The healthier I ate and the more water I drank every day, the less I craved the sweet, salty, buttery, carby, greasy fast-food and junk food that used to "comfort" me. I pushed myself during workouts, not exercising just to the point of breaking a sweat and calling it a day, but really challenging my body to go deeper, jump higher, don't stop, don't let go, just do it! And the crazy thing is, IT STARTED TO SHOW.

I've never seen my body do this before; it transformed right before my eyes. Every time I stepped on the scale, and I lost a pound or two, I'd look in the mirror and notice a hollow I'd never seen before. My jawline became more defined. My thighs started to shrink. WHAT THE FREAK?? YOU MEAN THIS DIET AND EXERCISE THING REALLY WORKS??? Each time the scale dropped a number, it was such a confidence boost, and gave me more motivation to keep working hard.

Sometimes the needle would creep back up, and I'd roll my eyes and quickly step down from the scale. The weird thing was, it never went as high as I'd expect. I'd step on the scale one day and think, "Oh man, it's gonna be a huge number and I'm going to be soooo disappointed in myself today". But then I'd look, and I'd only went up a few numbers. I never let it get me down, but just told myself, "It's a temporary set-back, but you can get it down again. Don't you worry."

When I finally reached 120 lbs., I ran to my parents to share the news and cried. I hadn't been 120 since my freshman year in college (six years ago)! I couldn't believe it; it was an incredible, amazing feeling. From there, each pound I lost felt like a major battle won in victory. When you watch "The Biggest Loser", the double digits are what the contestants look for, and anything below five pounds is not good enough. But for me, each single pound I lost was like winning the World Series, the Heismann Trophy, MVP of the NBA.

Finally, I have made my goal. I'm 115 lbs. strong, at the lower end of my BMI, and ready to face my next challenge: the L.A. Marathon. I'm not looking to lose anymore weight, but hoping to definitely lose some fat and strengthen my muscles. I haven't been 115 since high school! But my body feels just as good as it did when I was 17, if not BETTER.

I don't want people to read this and think that I'm all big-headed and arrogant, and just want to show off. Because telling other people, even my family, that I was 135 lbs. at one time in my life was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm just really proud of the journey I had to take to get where I am today, and wish that more people dear and close to me could come on it with me. I really love you all, and hope that someday I could read your blog about YOUR amazing health change!

I'm sorry. If you don't like self-righteous preaching on health, don't read this.

When I tell people that I am training for the marathon, I get a wide range of responses, the first of which is surprise. Apparently, among my group of acquaintances, being fit and motivated to challenge yourself physically is not common or expected. I also find that some people are very excited for me; but that excitement doesn't always feel very genuine, because I can sense that often times there is a flicker of skepticism on their faces. When I see that (and people try their best to hide it), I sense that in their minds they're thinking, "This girl is crazy... who does she think she is? Does she really think she can finish?" I even feel that response from my family, which is not the most promising sign of the support I have in pursuing this goal.

I think the reason why people are so surprised, as well as disbelieving, that I'm running the marathon, is because most of them don't understand WHY I'm doing it. Most of them know that I try my best to be healthy and stay in shape, but they don't understand my motivation behind it all (because more often than not they themselves do not have it).

One of my biggest motivations is my mom. My mom is definitely not the most healthiest or most physically fit person I know; in fact, she is probably one of the least. She is not obese, nor even close to being overweight (She's 5'2", 110 lbs.), but her health has been on a rollercoaster ride for the past 10 years. In December of 1999, she was diagnosed with a sarcomal tumor associated with cancer, and had to have surgery in January 2000 to remove the tumor. Consequentially she had to have over 60% of her stomach removed. We thought the nightmare was over (though her recovery took almost a full year), until we were hit with another blow. In November 2005, my mom was once again diagnosed with GIST, another version of the same cancer, and is even today taking chemotheraphy to keep the cancer at bay.

My mom looks at me often and says, "Grace, you have to take care of yourself. Don't be sick like me. You have to be healthy, and watch what you eat. Don't take on stress like I did, but just LET IT GO." When I see her hurting sometimes, I just look at her and say, "I'm never going to be sick like you. I'm going to eat well and exercise and be healthy, because I don't ever want to be trapped to illness like you have been." My family saw my grandmother suffer from multiple strokes, deal with diabetes, and ultimately die a slow and painful death in a nursing home, unable to eat, talk, or get up from the bed for over 10 years. And she was barely over 60 when it all started.

There is so much we can do NOW when we are still young that can make a huge impact on our health 10, 20, even 50 years from now. I always say, it's so much easier to incorporate healthy habits into our lives and change the bad ones NOW in our teens and twenties, than to do it in our 40s and 50s, when we have less time and energy.

Another big motivating factor for me to take control of my health, is helping my dad out at his pharmacy. I don't do much while I'm there, but it is really shocking when people leave the store with 20+ prescription medications in hand for ONE PERSON. How do you let your life go so much that the only way to survive and live a day to day life is to pump 20+ chemicals into your body everyday? I just stand there in disbelief, and a mental war ensues in my head to fight and battle disease and unhealthy lifestyles.

But then I watch one of my favorite TV shows "The Biggest Loser", and I know that so many times people just don't or can't take care of themselves, because of their emotional and mental problems. I can distinctly remember Jillian (one of the trainers) asking one of the contestants during a workout, "Are you happy??"

"Yes, I'm happy."

"No, you're not happy!"

"Yes, I am happy!"

"No, you can't be happy and get to be this size at the same time!" At that moment, the contestant began to cry and Jillian really got to digging out his "heart issues".

There are a whole host of reasons (and excuses) why people aren't healthy. And I will let you have whatever excuses you may have, be it "I'm too busy, I don't have enough time", or "Gym memberships are too expensive", or "I don't like working out, it's not fun/easy/I'm too lazy", etc. etc. etc. But think about this: do you think all those people who ARE healthy and ARE eating well and ARE getting their exercise, do you think they aren't busy? Do you think they weigh the price of an annual gym membership versus buying that new plasma 42" widescreen TV that they will probably gain more weight off of sitting in front of it eating pizza? Do you think they LIKE working out 100% of the time? Yeah, think about that.

My last point is this. I think as a Christian, part of my walk with God involves treating my body as a "temple", where the Holy Spirit resides in, and keeping it pure and "set apart". And that includes not smoking or doing drugs (some people might include drinking alcohol, or getting tattoos, piercings, eating pork, what-have-you). But how many preachers have you seen who preach the message of treating your body as a temple in reference to health? Not many, because I think the majority of the time those same preachers are not the best at taking care of their own health. I think part of being a healthy Christian is being a healthy person in regards to your physical health, including not stuffing it with junk food and sugary soda (a bottle of soda can have up to 3/4 cups of sugar it it), and making sure that the body that was created in the image of my Creator is in prime condition. I want to be a witness to God not just through my words, but also through the choices I make in my life, and the first is in my physical body. If I can't take of the body God gave me, and be a good steward with the health he has blessed me with, how can He expect me to take care of the spiritual "body" that is my soul? I think taking care of both shows my thankfulness to God, as well as my love for Him. Your health and your body are each a "talent" God has bestowed upon us, to invest in and nurture, not to bury and ignore and let die.

All this to say, I am running the marathon, with or without the confident support of my family and friends. I am running for my health, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. I am running for my mom and my grandmother. I am running for God. And I am running for you, the reader, hoping that my stories and insights give you the motivation to take the first small step into a life of health, confidence, and joy.